So vegans have been saying for years how cow’s milk is actually kinda gross once you think about it (blood and pus and all). A lot of this is motivated by animal-rights agenda, and a lot of it is just because we really can’t stand the stuff. Maybe some of us resort to the childish “eww gross” tactic out of defensiveness when a friend boasts about their love for fluid that came from another animal’s nipple. Well, look who’s defensive now…

Big Dairy’s new smear campaign is so hilarious to me that I am happy to share it here (no charge, Dairy Council, or whoever the fuck you are). Above, please witness the desperation exhibited in a print ad meant to make cow’s milk seem more desirable than the other freak milks. “Eww, the color is weird!” “Gross, there’s stuff on the bottom!” “Huh? That’s a long word!” “Eww, the color is the same, but it’s not from a cow!”

Keep up the good work, Milk Board (maybe- I don’t care enough to investigate who is actually behind this genius campaign). Either you truly believe that your customer base is dumb enough to think that color and additional ingredients are deal-breakers, or you’re showing people that there are tasty-sounding alternatives to your outdated product. This smacks of fear, and I am savoring it. Can’t you just imagine the suits seeing a new alternative pop up every week and pissing themselves? Ohhhhhh….. it feels so good to realize that these guys are starting to understand that they are fighting a losing war…. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…….

But that’s not even the best one. You gotta see this ad. “What!?!? You have to shake it? Ludicrous!!” Enjoy:

We’re the only species who drinks milk from another species. Also, we’re the only species who drinks milk past infancy. Just sayin..