It's vegan Angry Birds Pizza from Lunchbox Bunch! P.S., I have NEVER fed anyone vegan pepperoni who did not immediately prefer it to the greasy, nasty, mystery-meat kind. FYI.

So you want to be in the know enough to one-up that obnoxious hipster barista, but you’re too busy/lazy to actually read the news?  Stuff your face full of information with our weekend link-up, then go forth and spew it all over that organic-shade-grown-fair-trade-coffee slinging know-it-all (who is possibly a girl or maybe a boy, which you are totally cool with).

Having generally recovered from the outreach insanity of the past few weeks, once again I bring you your weekend link fix!  Now you can knock it off with the seizing and drooling, weirdo.

What’s something you shouldn’t need a magnifying glass to see? The Fruits & Vegetables slice of the agricultural subsidies pie chart, of course!

From PCRM, the percentage of agricultural subsidies that goes toward different food types.

Good luck not scratching your own eyes out the next time someone says, “But vegetables are too expensive!”  I’d like to pretend I’m shocked by the hypocrisy of a government that urges its citizens to make wiser personal food choices and leaves us on the hook for rapidly rising medical costs, while funneling money directly into the sources of high cholesterol and heart disease that plague Americans; but then, this is the same government that arms our enemies with frequency and zeal.

If there’s one thing we vegans can all agree on, it’s how much we love Russell Simmons!

Other than the adorableness of baby pigs, of course.

Simmons makes being vegan gangsta. It’s refreshing when you live, as I do, amongst a bunch of dirty patchouli-smelling hippies (JK! I love you unshaven weirdos! And sometimes I am one of you when I don’t shower for a couple days!). Now personally, I’m not so much into all the spirituality business, but I support any and all reasons that make someone go vegan. Plus, how can you not love someone who says, “You can’t beat a Tofutti Cutie. You frontin’ if you say so.”

Going vegan is better for the environment than pretty much anything else!

Run tell your snooty locavore homies: it don’t matter where your food comes from, if it comes from an animal it’s destroying the environment. Oh, you’re not convinced yet? Here’s another link. Still no? Another one. And another. Oh, what the hell, one more. Game, set, match, bitches.

If you care AT ALL about the environment, stop buying the food products that are fucking it up. End of discussion.

Did you need another reason that dog breeders / dog shows / kennel clubs suck!?

Extra-long rant time… read the whole thing, ‘cuz there’s a cute kitten video at the bottom. See how I take care of you?

This is another nail in the coffin of the idea that “purebred” dog breeders are any better than horrible puppy mills. The traits for which dogs are bread are solely for our pleasure and utility, not the dogs’ health or happiness, which is all kinds of fucked up. Not only are we going to exploit the natural characteristics of our so-called “best friends” for our benefit, but we’re actually going to forcibly inbreed them to the point of chronic pain disability! And if that doesn’t work, we’ll just cut off their tails or parts of their ears at birth to make them look the way we say they should! Man, we are the worst friends ever!

Purebred standards and pedigree breeding are horribly mutated anachronisms that have persisted from the days when terriers, for example, were bred to have noses and front paws ideal for digging rodents out of holes. Aside from the fact that it’s wrong to enslave wild animals to do our bidding, very rarely do people actually use their pets for the purposes these standards were developed for anymore. The standards continue to exist (and to become progressively more ridiculous) only for the purpose of our vanity and sense of self-importance, so that we can parade them around in a circle and auction off their sexual performance. When we do this in people, it’s called eugenics and/or sex slavery. It’s wrong, and it’s wrong to do to dogs (and cats, and rabbits, and guinea pigs, and snakes…)

You know, I was raised in a household with a professional dog trainer who worked at a dog breeding and training kennel. People who support professional dog breeding point out that these breeders and kennel clubs do a lot to promote sterilization and prevent home breeding, to provide the obedience training that most dogs need in order to be able to live in a home with humans, and to raise awareness of the need to support animal shelters and adopt companion animals. That’s all true. But at what cost? When you look at the effects pedigree breeding has on the animals we’re supposed to love and care for, is this any better than people who fight dogs, or who keep birthing moms in tiny cages for their entire lives?

Purebred dogs have a much higher risk of tons of health problems as a direct result of their inbreeding. They cost a ridiculous amount of money, both in purchasing cost and in lifelong vet bills. And you’ll be supporting an industry that tortures these poor creatures, just because you want a dog whose head and ears and fur looks just so. Don’t ever buy a pet, whether from a puppy mill (pet store) or a breeder. Adopt your next furry (or scaly) child.

Over 200 animals were rescued from an animal hoarder, and Denver DFL and HSUS affiliates are rehoming 81 of them!

One of the rescued dogs. Image courtesy DFL.

Man, as if we needed more reasons to hate people who breed dogs and cats on purpose. Hoarding is so sad, because the people generally think they’re actually helping the animals. Like this lady; she previously ran the Colorado Animal Refuge, before she got too old to provide proper care for hundreds of animals and presumably went off her rocker a bit. If there weren’t about a bajillion and a half animals suffering and dying on the streets and in shelters who desperately needed homes, well-intentioned but misguided hoarding problems like this would probably be a lot less prevalent.

That’s it for this (seriously belated) week!  If you come across interesting, important, or infuriating stories, send ‘em my way for next week!